


Even Demons Wear Masks

by Woofie



Series: Once A Demon, Always A Demon [1]
Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: And His Brother Isn't Helping, Angst, Body Dysphoria, But It Wouldn't Leave My Mind, Character Study, Drabble, Emotional Hurt, Gen, How Do I Tag, I Blame Yukio, Like Really Badly In This One, Mentions of Suicide, Okumura Rin Needs a Hug, Sad Okumura Rin, Self-Hatred, Self-Worth Issues, Short, i hate myself for writing this, of the sorts, pure angst, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:14:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26380231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Woofie/pseuds/Woofie
Summary: Rin stares at himself in the mirror and hates what he sees.
Series: Once A Demon, Always A Demon [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1917199
Comments: 4
Kudos: 115





	Even Demons Wear Masks

Rin didn’t have self-deprecation issues, that would be stupid. He was simply honest with himself, accepting even. Demons didn’t get self-conscious, they didn’t merit it, let alone have the faculty for it. Rin was being stupid, like always.

Staring at his stony reflection through the smudged bathroom mirror, Rin felt the familiar sting of shame bubbling within his chest. He hated looking at himself ever since Father Fujimoto’s death. It felt wrong, knowing that the eyes of his killer were also his own. His eyes, his fangs, his pointed ears, they were all evidence of his mistakes.

Rin’s tail too, which was curled uncomfortably under his shirt, was a constant reminder of how things could have been different. If he were just capable of listening for once maybe he wouldn’t have to look at himself with so much hatred. If he were more reliable and trustworthy, maybe he wouldn’t have been lied to for sixteen years. If Rin were a better person, a better son, he probably would have killed himself a long time ago.

His throat burned and he felt like he should cry, but he didn’t. Rin was selfish, trying to feel human. Wiping his face with the back of his hand, the half-demon averted his gaze from the mirror. Behind him, the bathroom door opened and Yukio peeked his head in, looking agitated.

“Come on, Rin. You don’t have time to skip class.” he stated steelily. Rin didn’t have to look at him to see his brother’s disappointment. Reigning in every bit of his stupid, fake self-pity, Rin turned and smiled brightly.

“You caught me, bro!” he chirped, trotting over. Smiling felt better.

**Author's Note:**

> it came to my mind while i was reading that....rin literally mentions at the end of the kyoto arc that he couldn't accept his flames (or more importantly, his demon side). and then i went into this deep hole of "oh god" and here we are. i felt the intense need to write this and i did and i couldn't add it to my other drabbles cuz this is just pure angst.
> 
> i really hate yukio. have i ever mentioned that? he is an asshole. i feel like he only tries to help rin because he feel obligated, not because they are brothers. and i use "help" as a loose term cuz yukio almost NEVER actually helps. he just pisses me off lmao. im a little biased tho <3


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